What Yuebin Doesn't Know Won't Hurt Him
by Jewelieishness
Summary: [Oneshot] Yuebin comes to visit, but Tart's got other plans...TartxPudding.


**Author's Notes: This song...it's been around since like, 2003 and I don't think it gets enough attention! I mean, it's an awesome song! Anyway, it's supposed to be 'Scotty Doesn't Know', but Taruto's little demented mind rewrote some of the lyrics. Okay then, onto the fic!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Mew Mew, and I most certainly don't own 'Scotty Doesn't Know'. **

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**What Yuebin Doesn't Know Won't Hurt Him...**

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"Pudding-onee-chan?"

"Hm?" The monkey Mew turned from the dishes to face one of her little brothers.

"Well, um, there was a letter in mail...from Yuebin-onii-san..." Hanacha blushed as he handed it over. Had he been a little brash in considering them already married?

"Hanacha, Pudding is not marrying Yuebin, na no da!" She frowned, taking the letter from his hands. "But Pudding is curious as to what is in this letter, na no da..."

"Well, I'll go back to the living room...we're playing Hide-and-Seek, and I'm supposed to find them all..."

"Alright, go back to your game, na no da!" Pudding answered, voice chipper and excited as she tore open the envelope.

_Dear Pudding,_

_I am sure you will be glad to hear that your father and I have given up on getting you to marry me, as you've shown great displeasure in this ordeal. However, I still consider the two of us friends - if that is not too bothersome to you as well - and I will be coming back to Cafe Mew Mew to visit you and your charming friends. If you require a date, the plane ticket your father has graciously given me is for August 2nd; I should be there by five p.m. Goodbye for now, then!_

_Sincerely,_

_Ron Yuebin_

Pudding's eyes widened. But tomorrow was the second of August!

* * *

Kish strolled lazily around the ship, a smirk evident on his pale features. "Oh Tart, where are you?" he called out. 

"He's not here."

Kish turned, slightly startled by the sound of his older colleague's voice. "Oh, really, then where is he?"

Pai shrugged. "Most likely down on Earth."

"With the monkey Mew," Kish added, smirk reappearing. "Not knowing that her little fiancee is gonna make a reappearance..."

"That bothersome Yuebin?" Tart had told them all about the encounter, and Pai already didn't like the human. Any friends or family of the Mew Mews tended to be trouble. And this one wanted to marry a twelve year old little girl.

Leaning on a stone pillar, Kish nodded in response. "I don't think he'll be too happy."

"Yuebin or Tart?"

"Knowing Tart, both."

Realization dawned on Pai's face. "You mean.."

"He probably will have a plan..."

* * *

Tart dived into Pudding's nearby shrubs to avoid being seen. 

"YUEBIN'S COMING TO VISIT TOMORROW, NA NO DA!!!"

Quickly, the alien gripped his ears. Why did she have to yell so loudly...? Oh well, at least it was good for something. Now he knew the competition was coming back. Tart wouldn't even admit it to himself, but he knew that deep down, he did harbor feelings for the girl. And if Yuebin came along and swept her off her feet...

Hissing, he eyed a garage sale across the street. Oh ho...Tart had a plan. One Pudding would certainly not approve of, but it'd drive Yuebin back to where he came from...in this case, China.

* * *

"I need help." His voice was incredibly stern and left no room for argument. Pai and Kish eyed each other warily. Wasn't Tart usually the whiny, annoying one? Now he was more commanding than Pai, and that was saying something.. 

"Um, sure, Tart, anything..." Kish stopped. "Well, not anything, just leave Ichigo out of this."

"Aw, shut up," Tart snapped, whiny voice back. "This has nothing to do with your precious koneko-chan. Or...maybe she'll have to help Pudding out of the shocked state she'll obviously be in, but...yeah."

"Shocked state?" Pai inquired, interested.

Tart tossed the two items he'd stolen from the garage sale, and they landed safely in the elder aliens' hands. "Guitars? What do we need them for?" Kish asked, utterly confused.

Tart shifted nervously. "I, um, wrote a song.."

Kish 'aw'-ed excessively, which annoyed Tart.

"This has to do with Yuebin returning, right?" Pai guessed, his all-knowing-ness extremely evident.

Tart made no effort to reply, but handed the two sheet music. "Erm, this doesn't look too hard to play, and considering you need us to do it for you and Pudding's love, I shall do it!" Kish declared over-dramatically.

A shadow of a smile ghosted over Pai's face. "It's actually an incredibly simple piece. I'll do it as well, considering I haven't touched a guitar since my band over on our planet - "

"You were in a band, Pai?" Kish echoed, slightly miffed at the idea.

The violet alien flushed. "Maybe I was! Do you have a problem with that?!"

"No, Pai, it's just, we never would've thought," Tart began, slightly teasing. "..that stoic Pai was in a rock band..."

"OH SHUT UP!"

* * *

"Wait, don't tell me, let me try to remember," Yuebin began playfully. "Um...Momiya Ichigo?" 

"Momomiya Ichigo, but close enough!" Ichigo corrected happily.

"Ai- Ai something, I don't remember what, but your first name is Mint, right?"

The bluebird nodded slightly, sipping her Earl Grey tea. "Aizawa Mint."

"Miss Midorikawa Lettuce...I remember that, at least..."

Lettuce tinted slightly as she bowed. "Hai!"

"And who could forget that they met _the_ Fujiwara Zakuro? I am honored to be in your presence again." Zakuro waved him off to attend to a customer.

"Miss Pudding...Fong Pudding. I obviously can't forget your name." Pudding grinned.

Three teleport rings appeared in the air.

"HOLD UP WITH THE GREETINGS, Y'ALL, BECAUSE THE THREE ALIENS BAND IS HERE TO ROCK YOUR WORLD!" Tart yelled loudly, sporting a pair of sunglasses. Pai and Kish were also there, but nothing special was added to them, with the exception of the guitars.

"You're a band now? So you're trying to kill us with your awful music?" Zakuro asked dryly, crossing her arms. **(A/N: Bad jab at another anime. xD If you can guess which one, I'll give you a cookie in your review reply!)**

Tart ignored the canine pointedly. "Hit it!"

And with that, Pai and Kish started jamming on their instruments. Pai was a little rusty from not touching one for so long, and Kish hadn't touched a guitar in all his fifteen years, but it was actually, surprisingly, satisfactory. Tart nodded in time with the beat and opened his mouth to sing.

"_Yuebin doesn't know that Pudding and me__  
Do it in Pai's spaceship every Sunday_."

Pai stopped for a second to glare at Tart, but Kish kept on, although he was snickering. The Mews looked about ready to faint, especially Pudding, and Mint, who had never heard something so vulgar in her life. No wonder Seiji and her grandmother didn't allow her to rock concerts! Poor Yuebin, by the way, was dumbstruck.

Pai found his place on the sheet music quickly.

"_She tells him she's in Tokyo but she doesn't go  
Still she's on her knees, and Yuebin doesn't know!"_

_"Oh, Yuebin doesn't know!  
So don't tell Yuebin!  
Yuebin doesn't know! (x's 2)  
So don't tell Yuebin!  
_

Pudding was past the about-to-faint stage and was now in the desperately-say-he's-wrong stage. "PUDDING-CHAN DID NO SUCH THING WITH TARU-TARU, NA NO DA!"

Tart continued, albeit a little guilty.

"_Pudding says she's out shopping  
But she's under me and I'm not stopping,_

_Because Yuebin doesn't know!  
Yuebin doesn't know! (x's 3)  
So don't tell Yuebin!  
Yuebin doesn't know!"_

Ichigo yelled, "HE KNOWS NOW, RUNT!"

"_I can't believe he's so trusting,  
While I'm right behind you thrusting._

_Pudding's got him on the phone,  
And she's trying not to moan.  
It's a three-way call and he knows nothing! Nothing!_

_Yuebin doesn't know!(X3)  
So don't tell Yuebin!  
Yuebin doesn't know!(X3)_"

"Wow," Mint commented before returning to her tea.

Zakuro agreed. "Yes, Tart certainly knows how to piss Yuebin off..." She jabbed a thumb absently in the steaming, red, angry man's direction.

"_We'll put on a show!  
Everyone will go!  
Yuebin doesn't know!(x's 2)_

_The parking lot?  
Why not? It's so cool when you're on top!  
His front yard, in the snow  
Laughing so hard, cause Yuebin doesn't know!_

_I did her on his birthday..._"

Lettuce whistled. "That's just wrong. On his birthday, though?!" Four pairs of eyes turned to stare at her. "W...What, I can't have an opinion?"

"I...it's just not like you to say something like t..that," Ichigo stuttered.

"_Yuebin doesn't know! (x's 4)_

_Yuebin doesn't know!  
Yuebin won't know!  
Yuebin doesn't know!_

_Yuebin's gotta know!  
Gotta tell Yuebin!  
Gotta tell him myself!  
Yuebin doesn't know! (x's 10)_

_Yuebin doesn't know! (x's 7)  
Yuebin's gotta go!_"

Tart finished loudly. Out of pure habit, Pai smashed the guitar on the cafe floors and whooped. Now the Mews were staring at him.

"All respect I had for the aliens is now gone," Zakuro announced.

"Indeed," the other two chorused. Mint murmured something about not having respect for them as soon as the song started, and Pudding was still in complete and total horror.

Kish set the guitar down and frowned. "I knew we shouldn't have done it! Look at poor Pudding!"

Pai waved it off. "She'll get over it, with the help of the other Mews. At least we infuriated Yuebin so much he melted and died." He jabbed a thumb absently at the steaming flesh-colored puddle in the cafe.

Shirogane and Akasaka walked in, the former snickering. "We heard that, don't think the basement doors are sound-proof."

"And if someone would do us the favor of cleaning that puddle..." Keiichirou added politely.

"Right, sorry." Tart snapped his fingers, and the puddle teleported itself somewhere.

"Arigato."

"Least I could do." Tart eyed Pudding nervously. "Um, sorry about that, but he's got major kung-fu skills and we needed to take him out of the way..."

"Yeah, right," Pai and Kish snickered simultaneously, teleporting off.

"Um...Pudding? Are you...are you in there?" He poked her hesitatively.

Slowly, her head creaked to the side. "Taru-Taru..."

He gulped, backing away a little. Was he in for it now...

**-End.**

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**Haha. That was one of my best ones yet...**


End file.
